Starting from death - Law x Reader (Pt. 36)

NOTE: This story may contain spoilers. You've been warned!



"I would love to take a walk through the promenade." You commented when you exited the restaurant, having finished your dinner.

"Let's go then." Law encouraged you with a movement of his my head.

"Do you feel like it?"

"Of course." He smirked.

The night was pleasantly cool despite being summer, a soft breeze blowing through the palm trees, and the promenade's atmosphere was lively and relaxed, many people blithely rambling around, watching the dark sea illuminated by the full moon while sitting on the stone benches spread along the place or enjoying the refreshing, soft sand of the beach.

Law stopped to stare at the sea he had spent so many time away from. His home for so many years. He noticed just then he had missed it too. He almost expected to find his crew fooling around the shore and his submarine emerging from the water. It felt weird not seeing any of them, knowing they were in a completely different reality. So far yet so close...

He turned to you, feeling your hand in his arm. "Are you okay?" You asked him. He cracked a small smirk and nodded, and you smiled back at him. "You know you can talk to me about anything."

He placed a hand over yours. "I know."

"Why don't we take a picture?" You suggested taking out your camera. Law placed a friendly arm around your shoulders and leaned down with a smirk, his face right next to your smiling one and the beach visible at the background.

Picture taken, you started your stroll, walking side by side so close that your arms sometimes touched. Law eyed in jealousy the many

You turned to him upon hearing his soft sigh and smiled at him. He met your gaze without returning the smile, but that didn't worry you. You had noticed he had started smiling often recently, but sometimes he still showed the serious, expressionless demeanor you were used to. You knew he embraced your smiles even if he didn't return them. He embraced them...

You looked at a kissing couple sitting on a near bench, a spike of guilt pricking your heart. Would people think you and he were a couple as well, walking together, chit-chatting lightheartedly and sharing meaningful looks? They sure would... The sudden feeling of Law's index finger poking your side and tickling you took you out of your thoughts and made you giggle and wriggle involuntarily. You turned to him, laughter lingering in your smiling face. "What was that for?" You gleefully protested.

"You were too quiet." He answered with a smirk, amusement sparkling in his silvery orbs. The truth was that he had noticed your sad expression as you looked at that couple, and he had assumed you were thinking about your ex, so he had decided to distract you.

You poked him back but he didn't even flinch. "Not fair, your muscles protect you. You're hard." You poked him again as to prove your affirmation.

"That's what she said." He humorously replied.

You couldn't help but laugh, surprised by his answer. "Let me guess. Esther taught you that joke, didn't she?"

"Who else could be? I've never met a woman more bold and dirty-minded than her." He smirked.

"Happy to know you're learning from her. It's just what you needed." You sarcastically asserted.

"Don't play innocent with me. You laughed." He retorted, playfully poking your temple with his index finger.

"I've spent nearly my whole life with her, I can't help it. What's your excuse?" You grabbed his finger and squeezed it in your fist when he tried to draw it back.

"I don't need excuses. I liked the joke and decided to use it with you." He chuckled, trying to pull his trapped finger out of your hand.

"What a pervert." You joked teasingly, knowing he had just admitted he only used it to tease you. You giggled, observing in amusement his struggling. His eyes turned to your laughing face with a mischievous glint and a second later you felt his free hand tickling you and forcing you to release him so you could protect yourself. "That's cheating! Cheater!" You hysterically laughed, backing away from him when he took advantage of his recovered hand to keep tickling you.

You tried to throw yourself to the floor in a desperate attempt of getting rid of the tickles, but he stopped his attack to hold you and keep you on your feet, amused snickers erupting from his throat.

Your eyes locked with Law's loving ones, the both of you laughing lightheartedly, and you couldn't help but look at him with affection, noting how beautiful his laughs were, and how much more handsome and younger he looked when he laughed. It was the first time you heard him laughing so openly, and you wished you could hear that sound more frequently. It made your heart flutter.

Laughter naturally fading, he stepped forward, getting closer to you, and raised a gentle hand to move away the hair the soft breeze had moved to your face. You looked down, having read in his eyes what was going through his mind without needing him to speak.

"Law... It wouldn't work." You muttered, barely aware of the isolated, intimate corner of the promenade you had reached, nobody at sight.

"You can't know that." His velvety voice smoothly spoke.

Your eyes returned to his. "Of course I can. Look how my last relationship ended. And I believed he was the one. I truly believed it..."

"(Y/N), I'm not him. It would be totally different."

You averted your eyes, softly shaking your head. "You don't understand."

"Then explain me." Some impatience and frustration slipped in with his quiet demand.

You looked at him once again and sighed, hearing in his voice that you weren't the only one with a wounded heart full of fears and insecurities. "You don't know how I truly am. Why do you think I barely have friends? I'm not a person easy to be with, Law." You paused, the quiet sound of the waves breaking at the shore being the only sound. You had wanted to avoid this, but he had the right to know. "I know you think you're in love with me, but the person you think I am doesn't exist. You may be in love, but not with me. You can't be in love with me."

He frowned in bewilderment, searching your eyes to decipher your words. "Why do you think I don't know you? Have you been acting, have you been hiding something?" You didn't reply, keeping your stare on the floor, but he didn't need you to. He knew you. He knew you were genuine. "I've seen you crying, I've seen you laughing, I've seen you hurting, doubting and fearing. I've been with you in your worst moments, when you were breaking apart. And I'm still here. I've been living with you for months, and we're comfortable together. What makes you think I don't know you? What makes you think this wouldn't work?"

"You wouldn't be here if you knew me. If I told you about my thoughts and opinions, you would know I'm stupid and not worth a damn. I don't know why everyone insists on believing I'm charming and sweet and all that crap. I'm not. I always felt like trash but kept telling me not to worry, that everything was in my mind. But it's not. I have so many annoying flaws..." You bitterly replied. "My ex... I never thought I would find someone who would want me as a girlfriend, let alone love me. I was so happy when I found him, I couldn't believe he actually had chosen me. Me. He made me believe I had been actually wrong all this time. I thought he accepted me, I thought I had found someone who didn't care about my oddities, my many fears and my recurrent melancholy, someone I could be myself with without fearing to be rejected. But seeing how everything turned out I was clearly wrong. You think it wasn't my fault but it's just because you don't know me. He loved me, Law. It had to be my rotten nature what corrupted that feeling. I don't know how, but I don't know why is so hard for me to make friends either and obviously it can't be that everyone is against me on purpose, it has to be because something is very wrong with me. I'm just useless trash, and you'll find out someday, when you open your eyes. The only reason why you're still here is because you don't see it yet."

Law stared at you, unable to believe what he was hearing. For how long had you been feeling that way? He should have seen this coming. He had seen the hints. When you cried in front of him for the first time, and called yourself mediocre. When you said to be senseless, idiotic and pathetic. When you confessed it felt humiliating for you to let someone see you cry. The comment you made about you not existing for the rest of the world. The heart-wrenching way in which you had cried that night, after your ex's unfortunate visit. Your determination of staying away from relationships. Your repeated insistence on you not deserving his love. You were deeply hurt and the signs had been everywhere. He should have listened to them. "And what about Esther? And your parents? They don't know you either? They've always been with you, and they still are."

"They're different. My parents are family. Esther is my best friend. But that's all I can afford. It's hard to be my friend because I'm weird. And that's okay, I'm fine with the few friends I have. But being my boyfriend is impossible." You sniffed. "Nobody can love me to such level. Look at me. Who would love me?" You realized just then you were crying, your voice taking a high-pitched, desperate tone. How you hated to be such a crybaby. "I have nothing especial. I'm a nuisance, and good for nothing."

"(Y/N), don't say that. It's not true." Law pleaded. Hearing you say those things caused him pain. He was starting to understand many things, though, like why you were so desperate to settle things with your ex. For you, it was as if you had been for years fearing something, and the outcome of your relationship had proven your fear to be true. Going back to your ex would feel as if there still was hope, or at least, it would look like a chance to turn that fear into a lie. You were clutching at straws. He gently cupped your cheeks with his hands, brushing the tears off with his thumbs, and met your flooded eyes. "You have flaws. That's alright. Everyone does. Everything does. But that doesn't mean you're unworthy. It's not even your fault that you have flaws. Do you think I'm perfect?" He chuckled when you nodded in response, smiling gently at you. "Well... I'm not. And even if you don't see it right now, you know it. Like you, I'm not someone easy to be with, either. I'm cold and bad-tempered, I over-think everything way too much, I'm stubbornly determined to bear with my problems by myself and hide my feelings from everyone, I have a... let's say dark side, I'm depressive too... Something I recently found out: I'm jealous and a bit possessive." He smirked.

"But that's just the way you are." You sniffed.

"You're right. But why do you think in your case is different? The many flaws you talk about, along with all the virtues you have and I'm sure you don't see, are just the way you are. Why when it's about you is something bad and not when it's about me?"

"Because you didn't choose to be how you are, and you have your reasons to be that way, even if you don't always know them."

"So you chose to be this way? Did you pick every single trait? Do you decide how to feel at every moment? What to like and what to enjoy? Don't you have reasons to act the way you do?"

You hesitated before replying to his last question. "No?"

 "You don't even believe your own words..." He noted, his voice coated with affection. He released your face to hold you tightly. He had no idea you were so wounded. You were so wonderful... How could he have imagined you held such a low image of yourself? He wondered if Esther had noticed something, or if you had ever talked with her about the way you felt. You probably hadn't. For the way you talked, he was sure you blamed yourself for feeling that way, as if feeling those things were another proof of how 'stupid' you were. You always blamed yourself for everything. He would have to work to change that.

"Because my reasoning keeps telling me I'm wrong but I still can't help feeling what I told you is the truth. I know it's not but for me it is. I don't understand." You cried in confusion, feeling utterly lost. If Law wasn't there to hold you, you were sure you would have a breakdown.

"I know, sunshine. It's not your fault." He mumbled gently pressing you to his chest protectively, as if that way he could keep you away from your gloomy feelings.

For some reason, the fact that he called you 'sunshine', coated with love and understanding, made you feel a lot better.

He knew you better than you thought. You were an insecure girl, probably because you were especially sensitive which meant you had suffered more pain than any other person would have in your same circumstances. And your failed relationship had worsened that to the point of making you feel not just insecure but terrified. It wasn't you who ruined your relationship as you had said, it was your ex who had broken you by treating you the wrong way. It wasn't totally his fault, though. The guy probably never got to understand you and was totally unaware of how much his actions had affected you. You maybe were sweet, naive and loving but that didn't mean you were easy to understand. You could be very complex to someone who didn't take the time to observe you properly and see past your cheerfulness and sweetness. But there was nothing wrong with you, as you were so determined to believe.

Esther, being your best friend since you were children, was able to see beyond your external layer. And Law was as well, getting you to open up with him more than with any other person. He was aware he knew things about you not even Esther knew, although he knew there were many more he was ignorant of because he hadn't had the time to learn them yet. He would love to learn them all.

"I understand this is hard for you, but if you give me a chance I-" He tried after a while.

"No, Law. Don't ask me that." You requested, separating from him to meet his eyes. "It wouldn't work. If we start dating, you'll eventually discover whatever destroyed my other relationship. You'll find out the person you loved is nothing. I'll hurt you."

"You can't know that unless we try." He insisted. "And even if you knew, what tells you it wouldn't be worth it? Everything has an end. If we lived avoiding things because they end we would never do anything. We would kill ourselves as soon as we learned our own lives have an end. And believe it or not, this is something you taught me. Listen to that reasoning that talks to you with objectivity."

You frowned, growing tired of his insistence. If he understood you so well, why didn't he drop a subject that clearly caused you pain? He was so annoyingly stubborn... You decided to voice the other reason why this was a terrible idea. You wished you could make his feelings fade. Why couldn't he just be your friend? You didn't want to lose him. "Listen. I love my ex. Okay? And that feeling is not going to disappear anytime soon. You can't  ask me to give you a chance when I'm in love with another person. I don't want to do such an egoistic and unfair thing to you."

He took a step closer to you, erasing the distance you had put in between, his eyes piercing yours. "Look at me, and say you feel nothing towards me." He sternly demanded. "Meet my eyes and tell me you don't like me and don't feel any attraction towards me. Tell me I don't have a single chance because I don't provoke a single romantic feeling in you."

You held his stare, determined to destroy his hopes if he was so eager on you to do it. But you couldn't. Maybe if you had doubts about you feeling something, you could have managed to lie to him, but not when you knew you liked him. You really liked him. What was worse, you felt something more apart from that. It was asleep, numb, buried by your fears and the guilt you felt for having feelings for someone else when you still had feelings for your ex, but it was there, and despite being a weak spark, it was what scared you the most. You averted your eyes in annoyance. "It wouldn't work."

"That's not what I asked for. And look at me when you speak." He ordered, starting to lose his patience.

You clenched your teeth, and sighed in exasperation meeting his eyes again. "Why does it matter!? I may feel something but, what if it turns out I'm the one with the crush, Law? What if I truly see you just as a friend and I realize too late? Do you want me to give you hope and then smash your heart? Or do you prefer to spend your life with someone who doesn't, and never will, return your feelings, living a fake relationship? Are you a fucking masochist!?" You blurted in restrained anger.

He smugly smirked at that, your angry frown deepening. However, his next words erased the boiling feeling that was about to explode. "That's not going to happen because I'll do whatever it takes to make you fall in love with me. Don't think you'll escape me so easily."

Your frown faded, and you sighed, rubbing your teary eyes. You were so tired... Tired of having doubts and being afraid. Tired of having to be constantly fighting against him and yourself for something you knew shouldn't happen. "You're crazy." You weakly stated.

"About you." The smugness in his smirk increased, although his eyes were dead serious.

You rolled your eyes but chuckled. "It wouldn't work." You repeated, calmer this time.

"Give me ten days." He said with a sudden grave expression. You looked at him in confusion. "Be my girl for ten days. Let me show you how it would be. And if after those ten days you don't want to continue or you're still unsure, we'll forget it and resume our friendship."

You huffed in upset. "Law, you're not a freaking beta program or perfume sample I can use and drop in the trash if it doesn't satisfy me."

"You won't drop me to the trash, you're giving me a chance. There's nothing wrong on ending a relationship that it's not working. Besides, this way you won't have to worry about getting my hopes up, because I know it's a limited time. If it fails, we'll be able to go back to being good friends."

"You can't be serious. You know it doesn't work like that, right? There's no way you expect everything stays the same between us after having tried something else, even if it was a stupid 'trial period'. It's absurd." You protested.

He sighed. He knew it didn't really make much sense. What he was asking you to do was no different from simply start dating. But he was trying to trick your brain into something that would look easier. If he kept insisting on starting a relationship, you would automatically try to focus on everything that would suppose and the many things that could go wrong, and it would suffocate you. However, thinking of a short period should be easy to assimilate. At least, that's what he hoped. "It will have to work one way or another because I'm not letting you go." He said in seriousness. "We'll never know if we don't try, and I'm not spending my life wondering what would have happened if we did. Ten days, (Y/N). No more. Ten days and I'll leave you alone. You can say 'no' all the times you want, I'm not going to give up until I get first-hand proof that shows me this is actually not going to work."

You pressed your palms to your face in desperation, shaking your head, and Law's shoulders dropped, knowing he had lost this battle.

"Okay."

He fixed his eyes on you, blinking in puzzlement. "What?"

"Okay." You repeated, louder this time. A smile started to form in your lips at the shocked face he was making. "Ten days." You added, your smile widening as Law's eyes started sparkling with hope and restrained happiness. He looked so utterly happy and thankful that you couldn't help but feel it was worth to try just to see him like that.

You laughed internally as he started to nervously scratch the back of his head, stopping to grab his forearm next, then cross his arms and then drop them at the sides to repeat the cycle again, changing his weight from one leg to the other continuously. He looked so lost, adorable and innocent, trying to control his growing nervousness as his mind assimilated you had actually accepted this time... You approached him and took his hands with yours to squeeze them soothingly, trying to get him to calm down.

He looked deeply into your eyes, pausing his accelerated breathing to swallow. "You won't regret it." He promised in a whisper.

You offered a tender smile. "I'm more worried about you regretting it." You confessed.

He shook his head, releasing your hands to envelope you in a warm, tight embrace. "I would never regret having the chance of getting your love."

You buried your face in his chest and embraced him back, squeezing him between your arms in hopes of releasing some of the tension his overwhelming feelings were causing on you. He always surprised you at how tender and affectionate he could be. And you wished, with all the strength of your heart and soul, that none of you would ever have to regret the decision you took that night.